Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
