my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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