i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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