But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
