After last night, I could never be a politician.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
