So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
