I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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