they need to just BURY HIM!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
