I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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