also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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