your parents love me but you hate me
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
