dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
