Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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