I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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