i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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