Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
