I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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