I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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