bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
