Duck Duck Cougar?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
