I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
