i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
