This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize