I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
