thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
