mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
