Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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