yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
