I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Alive.
So much puke
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Randomize
