After last night, I could never be a politician.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
