Quick, to the slutcave!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
