and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
