oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
