Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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