Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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