I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
