I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
