I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
