My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the day after is always just damage control
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
