Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I am spending my child support on dildos
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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