Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
