Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im about as happy as oj after his trial
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
