I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
