Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
