I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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