well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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