guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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