Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Can I color on your dick again?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
