I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
