you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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