It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
