i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
