Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
