i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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