You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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