I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
