A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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