Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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