We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Im part way to drunk.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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