it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
