Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
