HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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