I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
