U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
