I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
