ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
