similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
