If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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