I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
